她是你，她是我，她是你我身边的平凡人|她是你，她是我，她是你我身边的平凡人 - 有感于同事写给我的公开致谢信（附英文原文）
如果你读了我前不久写的长文《五十岁人生伊始》，你就可以了解我这个阶段的主旋律。
九月一号凌晨，是我离开帝斯曼公司的第一时刻，我沉浸在回忆中一直不想去睡，打开手机乱翻我的领英主页上世界各地新老朋友的留言，突然一行字闪现在我的眼前，让我的眼睛一亮，那行字是：“An Open Acknowledgement of a Hero: ...” 即“对一个英雄：... 的公开致谢” 冒号后面写的是我的名字。
我一看题图的背影，似乎她是我，可我又不记得照过这样一张照片。我赶紧往下读文章。
文章图片
照片来自网络，由Sonia买下版权用于她写的文章。 原来这是十几年前我在美国负责化妆品和个人护理业务时的团队成员Sonia写的。是写给我的公开致谢信。她用的照片是在网上的照片库里找到的并为之支付了版权使用费，她说她的背影和气场看着很像我。我才想起七月份在美国见面时她提过要写一篇关于我的文章，最近又详细问了我一些关于我以前上大学时的问题。虽然我们来自不同的国度，但是我们都是从逆境中走过来的，多少有些惺惺相惜。我刚认识她时和她提过我成长的背景，很难得她还记得。
我一边读这篇文章，一边觉得脸都红了。因为我从来没觉得我有她说的那么不一般。文章写的是关于（我的）勇气和领导力。内容大致分四部分，一部分介绍我和团队做成的一些事情，不足挂齿，略去。一部分是对我未来的鼓励和祝福，非常暖心的话，也不多写。另外两部分分别是写关于我上大学的故事和我曾经对她的鼓舞，这里着重写一下。
Sonia写到我的家人为了送我上大学，家里的一半收入用在了我身上，而我也勇敢地承接了全家的期待，一路不敢轻易放弃，直到今天。这是真的。我上大学时母亲已经退休，父亲即将退休，两人当时的工资加起来肯定不超过八十块，我每年的生活费、学费书杂费、路费加起来用完他们一年一大半的收入是一点都不夸张的。一个家庭、几代人、甚至一个村庄送一个孩子读书，这是八十年代全中国普遍的事实。三十多年过去了，我相信这样的情况在很多地方依然屡见不鲜。
Sonia之所以要写这样的故事，一方面是因为她对我的情感。另一方面，其实我觉得更重要的一方面，是她想表达一个声音，想借对我父母的无私奉献的赞美而唤醒她的读者、她的社群（美国底层百姓，尤其是底层的黑人百姓）来意识到投资后代教育的重要性。她驾轻就熟地阐述了一个重要观点，当一个经济条件不好的家庭做出送孩子上学这样的决定，付出的人需要勇气承担至少四年比以前更加艰苦的生活，也需要勇气接受他们的孩子对未来的选择，因为并不是每一个上了大学的孩子都能让家庭和个人的梦想成真。而对于孩子来说，他/她也同样需要勇气来承受家庭和社群的重负，在不断提升自己的同时，还要记得坚持走自己的路，甚至不惜让自己含辛茹苦的父母失望。
在这里我来讲讲Sonia的故事。虽然Sonia这篇文章写的是我，但她不知道我的经历在中国、在我的年代乃至当今的年代并不特别。而她的故事才真正一直打动着我。
Sonia是拉美黑人后裔，在美国最穷困的黑人区跟着单亲妈妈长大。她从来没有见过父亲，或者至少是她对他没有任何记忆。她的母亲不堪生活重负，吸毒坐牢，Sonia从小带着弟弟妹妹肩负家庭的重担，为了躲避追债者每年搬一次甚至几次家。她小时候遭遇的极端的贫穷和痛苦，也因为从来没有榜样给她指明另外的路，使她对自己的未来不抱任何希望。她能看到的最本能的幻想就是长大后嫁给一个到处招摇的毒贩子，可以让自己和弟弟妹妹远离饥饿。但是她没有，非常幸运的是她几次分别在小学、初高中直到大学都碰到了好的老师，好老师们看到了她的潜力并且坚持不让她退学（因不堪压力她曾多次尝试过退学）。这些老师们就是她最早的天使，他们一次次改变了她的人生。最终Sonia去了知名的斯蒂文斯理工学院，并成为一名化学工程师。
Sonia是数一数二的就读化学工程专业的黑人女性，而且她文理兼优，Sonia写的文章我经常当作英文范文来读。所以我一点也不吃惊，Sonia毕业后收到的第一份工作录取来自于全球知名的欧莱雅公司。但是因为上班距离太远，她所有家人和朋友都无法凑足钱买到一辆旧车，她只好拒绝。后来她去了一家铁路公司（可以免费坐火车上下班），带着头盔上脚手架去维护基础设施，参与设计做工程项目。
再后来Sonia又回到了她内心喜欢的化妆品行业，去了一家英国化妆品原料公司做市场工作（对大胆用人的老板和公司我都特别喜欢）。现在Sonia在帝斯曼负责个人护理品在北美地区的市场营销。Sonia第一次来帝斯曼应聘时，我负责北美个人护理品业务，她的经历和才华从那时候起就让我感动并震撼。
Sonia在文章中有一部分是写我当年给了她怎样的鼓舞，我曾经让她在对自己产生怀疑的时候去回顾自己走过的路并寻找自己内心的力量，而且不止一次告诉她要坚信自己的优秀。现在的Sonia不但是帝斯曼一名不可或缺的优秀营销管理者，同时她也在不断地回馈社会，并带动她的家族成员继续突破自己，发现自己，打造自己的人生。
Sonia的故事让我懂得我在人生中遇到的任何困难和她的经历相比都不值一提，所以与其说是我激励了她，远不如说是她激励了我。
Sonia在文章中也讲到了我带团队时表现的领导方式。她引用了以前一位同事说的话。其实很简单，做老板的都可以用：事情干得漂亮时把团队推出来领奖；事情干砸了的时候领导把脖子伸出来承担。
现在我刚从任职二十几年的帝斯曼离开，我必须承认， Sonia和很多同事给我的鼓励就像春雨冬阳那么滋润温暖。Sonia以及这些年来我身边很多像Sonia这样的无名英雄，每个人都带着他们的历史，他们的包袱，他们的梦想，打破一层一层的天花板，独自走着家族、前人没有走过的路，他们让我在我的职业生涯中体会到强烈的人性的希望和光芒。我深感幸运之余，怎可不加倍珍惜、挚爱我的人生，挚爱我身边所有给予我力量的人！
我的好朋友Andrea在领英上转发Sonia写给我的这篇公开致谢时说，女性要学会放大另一个女性的声音，并不断去提升对方。我读着Sonia这篇文章，马上听到的就是Sonia的声音，看到的是Sonia的奋斗历程，继而也想到很多我的同龄人直至我的后代的历程和声音。所以我决定也在这里放大Sonia的声音。
这篇文章不是关于我，这篇文章是关于一个打破了天花板的人-Sonia，和另一个试图打破天花板的人-我，相互仰慕和相互激励的故事。这些人是我，是Sonia，也是你，以及很多你我身边拥有不平凡的人生的平凡人。
湘伟
2018年9月4日，湖南益阳
后记：
我算是一名爱写文的资深外企高管，是一位单亲母亲。我认为没有什么事情是不可能的，只要你想做。但是我不喜欢喝太多或者煮太多的鸡汤。一边喝酒喝茶，一边聊天开脑洞是我比较喜欢的事情。我希望我的人生过得真诚无悔。
如果你想知道更多的关于我的故事，你可以先读这篇文章：《一张二十五年前的旧报纸》
附Sonia Dawson 领英网发的公开信原文：
An Open Acknowledgement of a Hero: Ms. Xiangwei Gong
Xiangwei Gong is truly the stuff legends are made of. You don’t have to spend long with her before it is clear that you are in the presence of a powerhouse. Peter Drucker said “whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision.” While Xiangwei has made many courageous decisions that have led to impressive business growth, I want to tell you about one that she made long before she ever stepped into the corporate world.
Xiangwei was born as the youngest of 3 children, at the end of China’s Cultural Revolution, a very difficult era in Chinese history. Her family was poor, as many families were back then. Additionally, her mother was illiterate and suffered greatly from not being able to read and write. Nevertheless, she was wise and strong and determined to send Xiangwei to school and have her receive the best education. By the time Xiangwei went to school, education itself was free in her country, but it required moving, so her family still had to pay for her living expenses in Beijing. Her parents made a meager income of about $10 per month, and almost 50% went to support Xiangwei living in Beijing during her study. As soon as her older brothers started working, they then helped her parents to support her so that she could buy books, clothing and travel to visit home.
I can’t imagine what it took to have an entire family come together to propel just one among them forward. While Xiangwei thought the gift was entirely too generous, she courageously decided to say yes– an investment that her future success would go on to repay 1000-fold.
Xiangwei’s courage has become her trademark. She has held leadership roles around the world – in the US, Europe and Asia. When I had the honor of working for her 10 years ago, she was the head of DSM’s Personal Care division for North America. During her tenure, the North American PC team doubled business in three years. She went on to lead a team that launched DSM’s first B2C products, and then to lead a team that built DSM’s first China-based global business unit: DSM Hydrocolloids.
I mention team deliberately. Xiangwei would never allow me to credit her alone, though her power, her passion about business and life are truly extraordinary. She is the type of leader that not only cares that her team does great work, but that they have great lives. She is the type of leader who, as one of our former colleagues loved to say about her, in times of success would never take the credit as her own but would acknowledge her team, and in times of failure would never blame the team but would own the failure as her own.
I have many fond memories of Xiangwei, but my favorite memory of her is a conversation we had when I was in a period of discouragement around my career. She wasn’t even my manager anymore at that time but had always made herself available for advice and coaching. I remember telling her that I didn’t feel good enough and though I can’t remember all of the conversation, this part I will never forget for as long as I live. She said:
“Are you kidding me?? Knock it off with this ‘I’m not good enough’ nonsense! Of course you’re good enough. In fact, you’re better than good enough – you’re great, and you need to stop saying otherwise. There are people that look up to you and are counting on you. This ‘not good enough’ is a disservice to the people that invested in you, to the community that sacrificed for you. Do not ever say you’re not good enough again. Now get out of here and go be great!”
And with that kick in the pants, I was sent on my way!
Xiangwei lives by the principle that her life and her success is never hers alone. She continually acknowledges that she would not be where she is without the sacrifice of others – whether it be her family or her teams. She does not take those sacrifices lightly. While she continually pushes herself to break through new doors, she always holds it open for others to pass through.
Today, Xiangwei concludes over 20 years of service to DSM to embark on a new role as President of the Asia region and member of the Executive Committee at AptarGroup.
People of AptarGroup – Congratulations! You are receiving a gem.
Dearest Xiangwei – on behalf of all of the people here that you have inspired and empowered, I thank you. On behalf of anyone that I get to make a difference for because of the difference you made for me, I thank you. Thank you for leaving a powerful legacy. Even your shadow will continue to inspire.
With all my love and gratitude,
【她是你，她是我，她是你我身边的平凡人|她是你，她是我，她是你我身边的平凡人 - 有感于同事写给我的公开致谢信（附英文原文）】Sonia
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